


gay people real?

by totallyaurl



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mute Gordon Freeman, Mutual Pining, Rated T for language, Trans Gordon Freeman, barney catches feelings QUICK, kinda friends to lovers speedrun bc gay rights, no black mesa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27030859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallyaurl/pseuds/totallyaurl
Summary: (i'm sorry i can't think of a title for this)Gordon recently moved into the apartment complex Barney lives in, and Barney immediately catches feelings.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun & Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105





	gay people real?

**Author's Note:**

> baby's first fic on ao3!! i don't have much to say about it other than i'm gay and needed to write this before i exploded and i'm so nervous to post this but hopefully people read it and enjoy :) <3

Boring. 

It's the only word Barney can think of to describe his life. He goes through almost the exact same routine every single day. Wake up, get ready for the day, grimace at yourself in the mirror, go to class, come home exhausted, drink some beer, and finally fall into a dreamless sleep.

Barney is entering year two of this dull routine, pretty much running on auto-pilot most days. One night he decides to spice things up a little by enjoying his evening beers out on the balcony of his apartment. As he's lounging in his deck chair, watching cars and people go by below, he hears the door to the apartment next door's balcony slide open. 

Interest piqued, Barney turns his head and is greeted by the sight of possibly the most attractive person he'd seen in months standing on the balcony next door. Wavy brown hair tied in a ponytail that ends just above his shoulders, scruffy goatee, light freckles, and bright green eyes than Barney wishes he could see more of. He looks happy and at peace with the world around him, smiling softly as he picks up a watering can. 

Barney is snapped out of his stupor when the stranger turns to face the other way, beginning to water plants he failed to notice when he came outside. Don't stare at people you don't know like a weirdo, Christ. Realizing he could have been caught staring at any moment makes his cheeks flush pink in embarrassment. It seems the other man is unaware of Barney's presence though, so Barney takes that as a chance to sneak back inside without being seen, hoping the beautiful stranger doesn't decide to turn back around while he's creeping back into his apartment like an idiot. 

Once inside, Barney carefully slides his door shut so it doesn't make a sound. Why is he doing this, why does he have to be socially inept, Christ on a fucking cross. Thankfully the man next door didn't notice him making a fool of himself. He realizes he left his beers outside, and decides he's just going to go to bed now.

\---

A few days have passed since Barney almost embarrassed himself to death in front of a stranger that happened to be very attractive. 

Barney was now coming home from his last class of the day, extremely glad the school's campus was only a few blocks away from his apartment. He desperately wanted to just collapse face first into his bed and sleep like the dead through the whole weekend. He chuckles bitterly to himself, knowing damn well that's not going to happen, due to the fat stack of homework currently weighing down his bag. Thanks, asshole professors!

Sauntering into the building's elevator, Barney hears hurried footsteps behind him. To his complete surprise, it's none other than his gorgeous neighbor. Don't blow this, Calhoun. Not knowing what to do with himself for a second, Barney ends up fumbling for the 'open doors' button, making a fool of himself yet again, this time knowing he's been seen.

His neighbor looks very relieved that Barney held the doors for him, but doesn't even utter a "thanks" to him. Strange. Maybe he's just shy?

Barney hears rustling to his left and turns to see a notebook page that says "I'm Gordon. Do you know ASL?"

"That's... sign language, right? I'm afraid I only know one sign." Barney demonstrated by signing 'thank you' to Gordon, making him smile a little. "My name's Barney, by the way."

Before their conversation can continue, the elevator dings, signaling that they've reached their floor. "Well, this is where we go our separate ways." Barney says, stepping off the elevator and heading to his door. Before he can get too far, his sleeve is gently grabbed and tugged. He turns to face Gordon and waits patiently for him to scribble something in his notebook. When he sees what's written on the page, his eyes widen, making Gordon smile again. 

"Here's my number. Text me some time :) xxx-xxx-xxxx"

"A-Are you sure?" Barney asks, incredulous. There's no way this guy actually wants anything to do with him. He's waiting for him to give him the finger and turn on his heels, never to be seen again. His negative thoughts are swept away when he looks back up to see Gordon nod, broad smile still in place. Barney quickly pulls out his phone, makes a new contact for Gordon, and sends him a text to let him know who it is.

Sticking his phone back into his pocket with a slight yawn, he realizes he should probably be getting to bed soon. "It's getting late, I should go. I'll see you around, Gordon." They wave goodbye to each other and part at Barney's door, entering their respective apartments. Barney feels lighter on his feet as he goes through his nightly routine. 

\---

A week or so has passed since Barney officially met Gordon. He found out they go to the same school, and Gordon is studying to become a physicist. He had to assure Barney repeatedly that it wasn't lame that he was majoring in agriculture. 

Barney began spending some of his free time at home learning as much ASL as he could, so he could surprise Gordon the next time they hung out. Gordon seemed to be getting tired of having to write down everything he wanted to say, so Barney wants to help him out. He hopes it'll bring them closer together.

Speaking of Gordon. There's a knock at Barney's apartment door, letting him know the other man was there for their second movie night. Letting Gordon into his apartment, Barney tells him to look through his movie shelf and pick out a few while he makes them some popcorn.

When Barney returns with the bowl of popcorn and a couple of drinks, he sees Gordon's notebook sitting on the couch. He decides now is the time to surprise his friend, and grabs the notebook. When Gordon comes back to the couch with a few movies in his hands, he quirks an eyebrow at the sight of Barney holding his notebook hostage, slightly confused. 

"Don't worry, Gordon. I've got a surprise for ya. Watch this." Barney says with a smile. He slowly signs "Look what I learned." and watches the confusion on Gordon's face morph into pure, unmistakable joy. Mission success.

Gordon leans forward and wraps Barney up in a hug, squeezing his friend tight. Barney laughs and returns the hug with equal force. When the two of them separate, they're both still grinning like idiots. "I take it you liked the surprise?"

Nodding, Gordon tells Barney he loved it. After a moment of silence, Gordon holds up one of the movies he picked. 

"Oh right, almost forgot that's what we're doing tonight." Barney admits. He takes the movie from his friend's hand and puts it in the DVD player. 

The two of them spend the rest of the night in a peaceful silence, Gordon occasionally making jokes that Barney doesn't understand, making them even funnier to him. They both end up falling asleep during one of the last movies, slumped against each other on the small couch. 

\---

Barney wakes up the next morning confused as to why he's on the couch and not in his bed. Why is there a movie playing on the TV? Why is there something warm pressed up against his side? He looks over and is surprised to see Gordon, still asleep, wrapped around his middle like a lanky octopus. His cheeks flush, and he immediately tries to get out of the other man's grasp. No awkward Barney moments today, please and thank you.

Once he's out of Gordon's limbs, he remembers that they were having a movie night, and smiles at the memory of Gordon being so happy to see him sign. The light in his eyes could brighten up the whole room, it was breathtaking.

Barney stares blankly at the coffee table for a moment, and immediately wants to kick himself for having gay thoughts about his friend so early in the morning. Why does his brain have to do this to him? It's just not fair. 

Not wanting to wake Gordon from his peaceful slumber just yet, he quietly makes his way to the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he comes out, feeling a bit more put together than before, he sees Gordon sitting up on the couch rubbing his eyes. His heart skips a beat at the endearing sight. Calm down for a minute, gay brain. He clears his throat to get Gordon's attention. "Breakfast?" he asks, to which Gordon simply nods.

"You okay with scrambled eggs?" Barney asks, looking over his shoulder to see his friend's answer. "I'm no master chef, but I'm told my eggs are pretty good." He chuckles to himself. 

Gordon is now perched on one of the barstools at the counter, watching Barney cook with bleary eyes. Barney hears him snap his fingers to get his attention and turns to see him say "Coffee."

"Oh, uh... I don't have any coffee here. Never really been a fan of it. Sorry, Gordon." he admits sheepishly. He hadn't seen Gordon in the morning before, and from what he could see, he definitely wasn't a morning person. He looks cute when he's half asleep, though. Barney's glad his back is turned to the other man, otherwise he would have seen him blushing like an idiot over the eggs. 

When the eggs are done, Barney plates them and takes a seat next to Gordon, handing him a fork along with this eggs. They eat in comfortable silence. When they're finished, Barney takes both of their plates and quickly washes them. Gordon still doesn't seem fully awake. "Do you have anything planned today?" Barney asks, snapping Gordon out of his sleepy daze. He shakes his head. "I know I'm not the best company in the world, but do you wanna have a lazy day with me?"

"Sure. I have to go back to my apartment to shower. I'll be back soon." Gordon says. Barney tells him he'll be waiting, and with that, Gordon takes his leave.

\---

Gordon returns with slightly damp hair, now wearing pajamas, and is carrying a few items in his arms. He's got a wide smile on his face that warms Barney's heart. He gently places a few items on the coffee table. He brought a book, his laptop, a very soft looking blanket, and... Monopoly? Barney guesses they'll be playing that at some point. Gordon settles on the couch with his blanket and the book he brought, reading in silence. 

"You seriously brought a book with you? You're lucky we're not in high school anymore, Gordon, otherwise I'd have to shove you in a locker." Barney says, laughing. Gordon gives him an unimpressed look, then turns back to his book.

Not having anything else to do at the moment, Barney decides it's time for some Gordon-watching. He leans back on the arm rest of the couch and silently watches Gordon as he reads his book. Analyzing the little details of his face. The way he furrows his brow every few pages, how quickly his eyes move back and forth across the page, how he pouts when something he doesn't like happens. Before he can look away, Gordon looks up and meets his eyes. "You've been watching me for a while."

"Sorry, you just make some funny faces when you're concentrated." Barney says, hoping his face isn't too red. It probably is, considering the heat he feels in his cheeks. 

"Are you sure you're not just checking me out?" Gordon asks with a smirk. Barney's face gets ten times hotter at that, hoping his friend is just joking, for his sake. 

Barney is terrified of trying to initiate anything with the other man. He might react terribly and never want to see him again. Barney might just pass away if something like that ever happened. Just straight up die. He's brought out of his spiraling thoughts when Gordon snaps his fingers near his face, making him jump a little. "Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine, Gordon. Keep reading your book. I'll go make us some food." Barney gets up without waiting for Gordon's answer, heading straight into the kitchen and getting to work. Good Lord, his own mind is going to be the death of him. 

\---

Barney is spending the entire weekend working on assignments. He wishes he could spend some time with Gordon, but they're both swamped with school work, so that's sadly off the table. 

It's late in the afternoon, he's finishing one of his last assignment, and he hears a knock at his door. When he gets up to open it, he's shocked to see Gordon standing there with tears running down his face. He lets him in and tells him to sit on the couch. Barney goes back to his room and searches for his weighted blanket. He uses it to calm down when he's upset, so he's hoping it'll work the same for Gordon.

When Barney gets back to the living room, Gordon is curled in on himself on the couch, shoulders shaking. The sight of his friend like that makes Barney's heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He wants to do anything in his power to make the hurt go away. 

Gordon jumps when he feels Barney wrap the weighted blanket around his shoulder, but relaxes slightly when he realizes what it is. He's using one hand to hold onto the blanket, so with his other hand he spells "T-i-s-s-u-e." Barney is quick to get back on his feet to grab a box of tissues for him. Once he has them, Gordon blows his nose. 

"Do you want to talk about what happened? Or do you just need a hug?" Barney asks tentatively, really not wanting Gordon to be upset anymore. Gordon just silently holds his arms up. Barney immediately wraps his arms around Gordon. They sit in each other's arms until Gordon's crying has calmed to occasional sniffles. Barney pulls back and looks at his friend's face, making sure he's okay. He takes a moment to think about how pretty he looks with red, tear stained cheeks. He'll allow a few gay thoughts. As a treat. 

Barney grabs another tissue from the box and gently wipes Gordon's tears away. Gordon lets go of the blanket so he can speak with both hands. "Thank you, Barney. I shouldn't have come here out of nowhere crying like a baby." he says. 

"Don't worry about it. I'll always help a friend in need." Barney assures him with a smile. He feels a little pang in his chest when he says the word 'friend' but ignores it. Gordon's feelings are more important than his stupid crush right now. Speaking of Gordon's feelings, his friend is starting to look a little tired. Before he can stop himself he's blurting out "Do you wanna take a nap in my bed?"

Wow. Barney thought he couldn't out-do himself in terms of stupidity, but here he was. Basically inviting his crush to sleep with him. Way to go, Calhoun! While he's mentally beating his own ass, Barney almost misses Gordon nodding.

When they reach his bedroom, Barney starts to leave. "I'll leave you alone so I don't bother you-" he's cut off by Gordon snapping to get his attention. When he looks over at him, Gordon is patting the space next to him, inviting Barney to join him. "Wh- huh? You want me to- really?" Barney tries not to sound as excited as he really is, but he can't stop a little excitement from slipping into his tone because Gordon fucking Freeman wants to share a bed with him. 

He hesitantly slides into the bed next to Gordon, who looks adorable curled up under his blanket. Barney doesn't know what to do with himself. He decides to lie on his side, facing away from Gordon. He really, really doesn't want to make it awkward, but having such an attractive man laying in his bed less than a foot away from him is making it difficult to function. Barney almost jumps out of his skin when he feels an arm wrap around his waist, turning back to see Gordon with a mischievous smile on his face. 

"Gordon, I sure hope you're not messin' with me." Barney says with a slight waver in his voice, cheeks red. Gordon shakes his head. His smile has gone from mischievous to genuine, making Barney's heart do cartwheels in his chest. Gordon pulls Barney closer to him and nuzzles his face into his back. Before he knows it, Barney is drifting off to sleep in Gordon's arms. They'll just have to talk about it later, then.

\---

It's later now, and Barney really doesn't want to ruin this peaceful moment with a fucking feelings talk. Too bad Barney, you opened this can of worms, now you have to lie in it. 

At some point during their nap, Barney turned and was now fully tangled in Gordon's limbs. Gordon was still asleep with his face smushed into Barney's shoulder. Barney truly didn't want this to end. But he knows, all good things must come to an end.

He absentmindedly plays with Gordon's ponytail while he waits for him to wake up. It doesn't take very long, after a couple minutes Gordon is lifting his head to squint at him. It's a sight that makes Barney want to laugh and kiss him at the same time. 

"Rise and shine, Gordon. We've got some feelings to talk about." Barney says with a slightly strained smile. God, he is not looking forward to this conversation. "No snuggling your way out of this one, y'hear?"

Gordon's eyes widen for a second, then he nods. He reaches over Barney to grab his glasses from the side table and slips them on. "What feelings are we talking about?"

"M-My uh... My- shit." Why is it suddenly so difficult to form coherent sentences? Damn you, gay brain. "Give me a second." 

Barney buries his face in his hands, taking slow, deep breaths. He needs to think about what he wants to say, then say it. Simple, right? Not really. Gordon pats his back, silent and comforting as always. What did Barney do to deserve such a lovely man in his life?

Once Barney has his brain and his mouth under some control, he looks back up to face Gordon. There's no trace of mockery in the other man's smile, only genuine kindness. Barney almost wants to cry because he's been gifted with such a patient friend. 

"I'm just gonna be blunt about this, 'cos I don't want to beat around the bush." Barney starts, voice shaking slightly. "I have feelings for you, Gordon. Romantic feelings."

Gordon doesn't say anything for a moment, just looking at Barney with an unreadable expression. Barney thinks he's fucked up beyond repair. He thinks Gordon is going to leave, never speak to him again, move away and never be seen again. Before he can actually start crying, Gordon says "I know."

"What?" Barney is truly at a loss for words now. Is he seeing things right? "You... know?"

Gordon nods. "I've suspected it for a while." He pauses to deliberate his next words. "I feel the same." he says, smiling again. When the words process in his mind, Barney's heart speeds up. He has got to be dreaming right now. 

"This- is this real?" he asks. Gordon nods again, wide smile still in place. Holy shit, this is real life. This is really happening right now. "Can I kiss you?"

Gordon doesn't say anything this time, simply leaning forward and capturing Barney's lips in a kiss. In reality, it's only a few seconds, but to Barney this kiss feels like an eternity of bliss. He could stay like this forever. He's on cloud nine when Gordon pulls away.

"I didn't think you would say anything. I wasn't sure if you actually felt the same or not, but I'm so glad you do." Gordon says. "I'm so, so glad you told me."

"I'm glad too. That felt great to get off my chest." Barney says, cheeks flushed. They spend the rest of the night cuddling in Barney's bed. They talk, kiss, and pick on each other as the hours go by. To both of them, this feels absolutely perfect. Eventually they drift off again in each other's arms.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on twitter at @/benreycalzone !


End file.
